A Message to Physician Spouses---How to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations | Sara Payne LLC

A Message to Physician Spouses—How to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations

Have you ever noticed when you meet someone new and they find out you’re married to a doctor, they usually have a lot of ideas of what that must be like? 


They might not say it, but it’s usually written all over their face.


“Ooohh, what’s that like? Sounds glamorous.”


And “I bet you guys are rich!”


And “It must be nice to have so much financial security.”


I’ll be honest, it used to really bother me. 


Mostly because I felt like a fraud.

Podcast listener? Check out more on this topic at The Doctor’s Wife Podcast on Itunes. 

I wanted to say, “It’s really NOT that glamorous–my husband squeezes puss out of people’s feet all day.”


And “Rich?? Ha! If only you could see our insurmountable student loan debt!”


And “Financial security? Maybe in a couple of decades. Right now we can’t even afford to go to Disneyland.”


It’s easy to feel like you need to live up to the unrealistic standard of living that society seems to believe about physician families. 


That’s a lot of pressure, don’t you think?

Pressure to have the perfect house.


Pressure to have the fit body. 


Pressure to have over-achieving children who are always at the top of their class. (Are you worried about your child’s emotional health? This free NO PREP slide show will teach them how to handle ANY emotion).


Pressure to be involved in noble causes in the community. 




Good news.


If you feel like an instant pot ready to explode, you are not alone. 


And there is a solution.


It’s simple. But not always easy.


Are you ready?


Let people be wrong about you.




Let them be wrong.


Let them see that not all physician families have perfectly manicured lawns.


Not all doctors’ wives are a size 4.


Children of doctors struggle in school, too. 


And not all doctors’ spouses volunteer in the community. 


And that’s ok. 


They might think there’s a problem with that. 


They might even (gasp!) judge you for it.


That’s all ok, too.


That judgment is about them, not you.


You can love them anyway. 


And you can love yourself. 


Messy house, student loans up to your eyeballs, struggling children and all. 


It really does just start with telling yourself this:


‘It’s ok for people to be wrong about me.’


Try it. 


You’ll feel the pressure start to release just like that instant pot.


And a feeling of relief will replace it. 


Instead of trying desperately to be perfect, you can show them that you aren’t. 


That is true freedom. 


Are you living far away from family while your husband works long hours? Click here to get free video access on How to Enjoy the Weekend when Your Husband is On-Call.


Need some fun ideas to pass the time when your spouse is on-call? Click here for 50 Fun Ideas for when he’s working long hours.


Looking for individual help from a certified life coach who knows what you’ve been through? Click here to sign up for a free virtual consultation. 





leaf asset 8

Ready to stop feeling angry at your husband

before he even walks through the door at night?

Not keeping score doesn’t require you to keep quiet and silently seeth while doing everything on your own. It does help you let go of anger and resentment and focus on solutions instead of scoreboards. It means you make room for working together instead of feeling isolated and alone.

leaf asset 9

Share this post

leaf asset 1
sara payne avatar 3

About Sara

I’m Sara – a certified life coach and I help the doctor’s wife stop being the
backup dancer to her husband’s career. I help them take care of their brains so they can create the life they’ve been looking forward to since the first year of
medical school.

Ready to create a rock solid marriage?

Please read my privacy policy to see I take your privacy seriously.